One of my best friends refers to me as a "professional dater." Though I'm not necessarily proud of the name, I am proud of being able to enjoy myself and live in the moment while dating. And when I say dating, I literally mean going to restaurants, museums, art shows and movies with a man. It does not always equal having sex.
Let me guess. You're reading this blog about me being a "professional dater." You're also seeing all these couples and people getting married on your timeline. Meanwhile you're wondering why you can't get a text back or a decent date.
I absolutely cringe when I hear women say "I hate starting over and getting to know someone all over again." That statement alone is making dating harder for you. You're going into it with a negative mindset. In the words of Lauryn Hill: "How you gonna win if you ain't right within?" You have to reset your mind sis. That's a must or (Celie voice) "Everything you think about gonna fail!"
You won't reset your mind over night, but you can surely have it conquered in a few months. Some of you are wondering why you didn't get a call back after you thought you had a good date. Ask yourself, was it really a good date or was it mediocre and you were just excited and ran your mouth the entire time?
There is no need to worry or feel anxious while dating because you are the prize! So, today is your lucky day! I'm about to take you to dating school. Here are 11 dating tips to live by:
1. Set your standards for a date before he asks you out. That way, if he's unsure, he will ask what you would like to do. If he does, don't say you don't know, because that's typical and it's also a lie! You do know, so just tell him. If he suggests a place where you don't want to go, kindly decline by saying, "I'm not a fan of that place. What about (insert place name here)?"
2. Date multiple people at a time.You can't have all your eggs in one basket. That's how you end up hard pressed for one person, creating all types of imaginary scenarios in your head that hurt your feelings. Three people is a good number for me to handle at once.
3. Relax! Dating is a process, not a race!
4. Enjoy the moment. Whoever you're on a date with deserves your undivided attention. Don't compare him to the last person you dated or were in a relationship with. Just enjoy the outing. Put your cell phone on silent, and don't pull it out either!
5. Stop telling all your business in one meeting or a few conversations. He doesn't need to know that you are dating other men. That's not his business because he’s not your man. Mystery is everything. It keeps men interested.
6. Stop creating expectations for men that you are dating. That's the quickest way to become disappointed. Expect nothing!
7. Once you're on the date, allow the other person to speak. Often times men will ask women one question and it turns into her talking for the entire dinner and she's learned nothing about him. Find some questions to ask that you actually want to know and will make for good conversation.
8. After the date, thank him and go on about your business. Trust me, he will call you. And if he never calls, then find a new one to add to your starting line-up!
9. If you discover you like that man, leave him alone! What I mean by that is don't start calling him everyday about nothing. Don't create ways to make contact all over his social media, being extra. If there is a connection on both parts, things will flow. This leads me to tip number 10...
10. Don't force anything! Don't force conversation, interactions, dates or anything else!
11. Detach yourself from the outcome! There is no need to worry about the “what ifs”! Just relish in the present!
Happy hunting ladies!